Sense of belonging, sense of autonomy, and sense of competence are the "keys" that open up the inner world of children. To understand the child's heart, we must start from these three aspects.
A sense of belonging means that children can feel love, respect and acceptance. In the concept of many parents in our country, it seems that "acceptance and love" and "strict discipline" cannot coexist. It is love and love that is the only way to raise a good child. So is the fact so? American clinical psychologist and developmental psychologist Diana Baumling and her team divided family education patterns into four types: authoritative, authoritarian, devotional, and neglected. A benign parent-child bond corresponds to an authoritative parent, and too strict discipline prevents the child from feeling love and acceptance. Such a parenting model will develop toward authoritarianism.
The sense of autonomy is to let the child feel the behavior can be decided by oneself. Parents can try to make children feel like they can choose, change the “do not†of the sentence to “canâ€, and change “cannot do something†to “you can try anotherâ€. In this process of communication, we must pay special attention to the child's emotions. If it is possible to stop screaming children for fear of punishment and temporarily stop the action, there will still be dissatisfaction in the heart. This kind of emotion will cause the children to gradually alienate their parents after they grow up. To establish a good parent-child relationship requires parents to observe the child's emotions more meticulously. When he makes any "naughty" behavior, he should recognize the child's happiness even if he stops him. Then he tells him that some things cannot be done, and the reason why he cannot do it. Wait.
Competency is to make children feel that he can do it. Psychologists believe that the child’s self-confidence and affirmation of his own value as a person are fundamentally the unconditional love of his parents. For children, especially for young children, the biggest driving force for their change is the desire of their parents. Encourage him to create imagination and respect children's imagination. Their lack of logical imagination is the driving force for them to learn and grow. If they are taken care of by their parents in the process of self-learning, they will slowly enter the closed. The child has a good sense of belonging and is also conducive to other aspects of his development, including emotional adjustment, self-confidence, flexibility, social skills with his peers, empathy, problem solving, language skills and self-adjustment.
So how do you know what your child thinks of your parents?
Parent-child relationship is actually mutual. When you do not know your child's thoughts, you may wish to first see how much you understand him. The child likes books, the child's favorite characters, his favorite toys, and his best friend. Can you feel his emotions? If you and your child's previous emotions are always the same, it means that your communication is very good.
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